- Comedians – It’s an unfortunate fact of life that most of us think we’re funny. Spoiler alert ! We’re not ! Please stop telling service people awful jokes , believe me their not landing and they never will !
- Friends – Amazingly just because you come to the same place all the time and we’re on a first name basis does not mean we have a lasting friendship or even the groundwork for one . Sorry.
- Interesting – This is another one of those unfortunate facts of life most of us are not that interesting . Amazingly though your daughters ballet recital may be a thrilling topic of conversation to you and yes you get points for at least being a good parent , it is mind numbingly boring to me .
- Helpful – Please don’t try to help service people , I know your heart is in the right place but we do things the way we do them for a reason. So please don’t bring your plates to the counter or build strange monuments with your dishes to supposedly make them easier to carry , If you want to help when our finished your meal you can slide your plate to the side of your place setting so I don’t have to lean over you but past that please just leave me to do my job.
- Charming – If your hitting on a waitress while she’s at work and unable to tell you to get bent , YOUR NOT CHARMING! I have never once in all the time I’ve worked in food service heard of waitress say ” I went on the most wonderful date with this cute charming customer I met at work the other night ” . It’s rude and embarrassing to both you and her just leave it out !
There are some customers you just can’t please, if you follow my blog or have the misfortune to work in customer service your self then you have probably encountered them. They are devoid of human emotion and treat those you serve them like scum. To spite this widely known fact and my widely known opinions about such people , I often hear the praises of how patient and understanding I can be. Seriously I’m not tooting my own horn here, I hear it all the time and I owe it all to my custom made sub-personality .
I call her Synthetica and I invented her years ago when dealing with particularly unpleasant hockey coach. Developed from a mixture of the most tolerant happy people I observed as well as select cheery portions of my own personality. Her job? To deal with the outside world when I couldn’t , this way the real me can scream fuck you ! while Synthetica helps you with your meal selection.
She like most Synthetics is a mimic of nature designed with a specific purpose like an implant for my personality, and just like an implant though she may look and feel close to the real thing. At the end of the day, she’s totally fabricated , always happy smiling and up beat , you could shoot her puppy in the face and she’d ask you if would like some chamomile tea to calm your nerves. Without her there is no way I would get through a work week without at the very least snapping at some loser on a cell phone .
Like order up?
Have a look at what I was doing before all of this