- Comedians – It’s an unfortunate fact of life that most of us think we’re funny. Spoiler alert ! We’re not ! Please stop telling service people awful jokes , believe me their not landing and they never will !
- Friends – Amazingly just because you come to the same place all the time and we’re on a first name basis does not mean we have a lasting friendship or even the groundwork for one . Sorry.
- Interesting – This is another one of those unfortunate facts of life most of us are not that interesting . Amazingly though your daughters ballet recital may be a thrilling topic of conversation to you and yes you get points for at least being a good parent , it is mind numbingly boring to me .
- Helpful – Please don’t try to help service people , I know your heart is in the right place but we do things the way we do them for a reason. So please don’t bring your plates to the counter or build strange monuments with your dishes to supposedly make them easier to carry , If you want to help when our finished your meal you can slide your plate to the side of your place setting so I don’t have to lean over you but past that please just leave me to do my job.
- Charming – If your hitting on a waitress while she’s at work and unable to tell you to get bent , YOUR NOT CHARMING! I have never once in all the time I’ve worked in food service heard of waitress say ” I went on the most wonderful date with this cute charming customer I met at work the other night ” . It’s rude and embarrassing to both you and her just leave it out !
People like this are the most prominent cause of my impending insanity and what will I’m sure lead to my inevitable mental breakdown.
The individual in question has been sitting in the window as long as I’ve been at work today , so far just over 6 hours !
who has that kind of time ? I mean I barley have time to do laundry. So far he has consumed an entire urn of coffee that’s around 16 cups! How is he not dehydrated ? Doesn’t he need to go to the washroom? or am I going to find when he leaves he already has (all over the seat) surely a spectacular end to an otherwise uneventful day .
Surely he must have somewhere else to go , he can afford 16 cups of coffee he can’t be homeless can he ? Isn’t he eventually going to get bored ? No smart phone , book , magazine , just staring blankly into the street FOR 6 HOURS! Whistling along with the awful coffee shop music at the top of his lungs.
I swear if this man lets out one more whistle or buys one more cup of coffee, I may actually lose my mind .
Is he not hungry ? What happens when I bounce him out of here so we can close? Will he go home ? or simply trundle down the street to the bar next door .
Where are you going man in the window? Do you know something we don’t ? are you Buddha reincarnated ? happy to simply sit watching the world pass you by ? or have you already lost grip on reality and are plotting to take me with you ? What’s your play here ?