museing about unemployment

As some of you may know I recently quit my job , for a supposedly better one that just didn’t end up working out , not in an over all terrible manner I had one foot out the door already and it may even turn out to be a good thing.

Anyways I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of work and unemployment and their relationship with our over all quality of life.

I have worked my entire adult life , I started when I was 14 and other than a couple of months here and there I never stopped . A few years ago for the first  time I was unexpectedly out of work. During which time I wrote a book , trained 2 dogs, took a photography course, painted a new series which showed and actually sold a painting and made my self a certified master of the Edmonton drop in and food bank circuit. My point is I filled my time I was actually busier last time I was unemployed than most of my working life.

I had always been that way, chasing the next thing diving head long into a new project always working or partying, always in motion . Then I burned out I started having panic attacks and on doctors orders and with the help of some very awesome friends and family members I learned to relax . To take time to appreciate , really appreciate my family and my alone time and hanging out in sweat pants with no make up on. A concept that up until that point I would have considered unbelievably lazy and unappealing .

Now to most of you who are supposedly a modicum saner than yours truly , the idea of having to learn how to relax is probably absurd but I had to and it was hard . Now it’s like my favorite thing ! Which brings me to my musing about unemployment the second time around granted it’s only been like 4 days but I noticed my self sort of starting to freak out . When I had a job all I wanted in the world was, to be home with my husband and my dog ,  even on my own playing video games or spewing seemingly mindless nonsense at you fine people. After a couple of days though , I mean yes it’s still amazing to have all the free time but I started to feel stressed , like something was missing some part of life that I underestimate even make fun of .

Before all I wanted was to not have to work now all I want is a job. Why ?

Has learning to relax caused me to bypass the importance of having steady work of structure ?  Is all the other stuff as meaningful without a career or even a steady pay check ? Does the longing I experience when not relaxing define the quality of the relaxation period ?

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